I can’t afford booze and I don’t know what estrogen is


Sitting next to the unlit tree, drinking non-alcoholic egg nog. It’s not because I went to AA twice. It’s because I can’t afford the booze. Let’s face it, I’d love to be hammered right now, calling all my relatives, making them cringe in fear as they hear the telephone ring at 3 am. That’s my Christmas wish. I wish people would fear me. REALLY fear me. Maybe then my daughter would come home. If she was afraid I would do something. The truth is, I’m afraid of HER. She’s just like her mother. A walking, talking, bowl of hate and estrogen. Something I don’t have a lot of experience with. I don’t even know the difference between a casserole dish and a cereal bowl. Much less the whole estrogen debate.

I mean what is estrogen? It sounds like a drug, but it’s not. Is estrogen just some myth like Santa Claus or Sasquatch? Something we tell stories about around the camp fire and then fear later in our tents? I tell you all now that I don’t know much about estrogen, and I’m scared to death because of it.

My cup of egg nog is almost finished, I guess that’s my queue to brush the old teeth and head to bed. Perhaps I’ll see my daughter in my dreams tonight (estrogen filled or otherwise - whatever that means)

Happy Holidays,


(Victor Balldance)